


The Huntress's Wife

by Pablo360



Series: Half Past Adventure Extended Universe [1]
Category: Adventure Time
Genre: Animal Transformation, F/F, Fade to Black, Folktale style, Gaming Console (Unused), Implied Sexual Content, Inuit Mythology - Freeform, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Mythology References, Unnecessary Backstory for Minor Details
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 04:21:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21404101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pablo360/pseuds/Pablo360
Summary: Huntress Wizard lives alone, and she likes it that way.  But one day, an unexpected houseguest takes her in.
Relationships: Huntress Wizard/Original Character(s)
Series: Half Past Adventure Extended Universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1543054
Kudos: 3





	The Huntress's Wife

**Author's Note:**

> A very short, folktale-style story. The writing equivalent of ultrastylization. Best read around the family hearth, gathered close so as to protect yourselves from the blistering cold outside, while you attempt to warm your hearts with tales of whimsy while also possibly imparting vague life lessons on your children or explaining natural phenomena depending on what anthropologists you believe when they talk about the origins of mythology.
> 
> This “takes place” in the same continuity as Half Past Adventure, but it's so stylized that even in that context I wouldn't take it literally. Still, if you're curious about where it falls in the timeline, let's say it's _right_ before the episode “Flute Spell” (which means it's like 32 years before Huntress Wizard appears in Half Past Adventure, so don't be surprised if this is never referenced ever).

Once upon a time, in a forest somewhere in Ooo, there lived a goblin who went by the name of Huntress Wizard, for that was just what she was. She was a solitary person, content to keep mostly to herself, barring occasional trips to more civilized areas when she wished to trade for supplies she could not make herself. She lived in a house in the woods, where she would spend her days hunting and her evenings whittling, and apart from her old teacher and the spirit of the forest, she communed with nobody.

It was therefore to her great surprise that she arrived home one cold afternoon in the month of Mars, freshly-caught possum in tow, to find her house quite in order. Her collections of trinkets were arranged neatly on freshly dusted shelves; the cushions and blankets on all her furniture were fluffed and folded respectively; her old ratty television monitor was sitting in a corner, replaced with a newer, much sleeker model. A bowl of rabbit stew was prepared and sat on her freshly-dusted cherrywood table, suffusing the air with scents of game and leek.

“A spirit must have done this,” she reasoned. “Reveal yourself, spirit of the forest,” she pled. When she received no response, she ate the stew and set about her whittling.

The next day Huntress Wizard went to refill her aquifer from a spring several miles away. While her pump pulled up the water, she set about spear-fishing, as she usually did on such an occasion, and caught a massive catfish the size of a seal. She packed it in her magic icebag, gathered up her water, and headed home.

It was to her mild surprise that when she arrived home that afternoon, freshly-caught catfish in tow, to find her house quite in order. Her floors and walls had been washed; a creaky floorboard near the threshold had been fixed; her old ratty satellite dish was sitting in a corner, replaced with a newer, much sleeker model. A plate of possum cutlet was prepared and sat on her freshly-polished cherrywood table, suffusing the air with scents of rosemary and spice.

“The spirit must have returned,” she reasoned. “Reveal yourself, spirit of the forest,” she pled. When she received no response, she ate the cutlets and set about her whittling.

The next Day Huntress Wizard gathered the herbs which grew in wild patches not far from her cabin. Not long after noon, she noticed a column of smoke rising from its direction. Fearing the worst, she ran back home, her daily chores woefully incomplete, only to find that the smoke was coming from her chimney.

“The spirit must be here already,” she reasoned. “Reveal yourself, spirit of the forest,” she pled. When she received no response, she stepped inside and then dropped her half-filled basked of herbs in shock.

Standing in her kitchen, preparing a dish of grilled catfish which suffused the air with scents of fish and lemon, was a naked woman with pink skin and striking red hair. “Welcome home, dearie,” she said in a sweet yet guttural voice. “I hope you don’t mind, I’ve taken the initiative to buy you another gift.”

She nodded to the TV, in front of which was a fox pelt hanging on a curtain rod and, below it, an unopened gaming console.

“Who are you?”

“Silly, I’m your wife!”

Huntress Wizard knew better than to argue with a spirit of the forest; besides which, she could not deny that this woman was beautiful. “If you are my wife, then what am I to call you?”

“I go by the name Tireganierk,” replied Tireganierk.

“Then, Tireganierk, you are my wife. Let us not hide from each other, then; and there is no need to ply me with gifts. Instead we shall simply enjoy each others’ company as we see fit, and go about our own business the rest.”

That night, they saw fit to enjoy each others’ company.

For several months, they lived happily together. In the mornings, Huntress Wizard would leave to hunt or gather or plant, or occasionally to trade in a nearby settlement. Meanwhile, Tireganierk would stay at home, cooking and cleaning and mending and watching TV and even teaching herself to whittle. After the first month, she began to cultivate a small garden, tending sedges and rushes. Whatever Huntress Wizard brought back one day in her magic icebag, Tireganierk would prepare the next, with the exception of moles, for she did not like the taste. In the evenings, they would talk or stargaze or watch TV or whittle.

Then one day Huntress Wizard arrived home early, long before Tireganierk had begun preparations for that evening’s meal. Without the fragrances of cooking, she noticed another, much more unpleasant smell lingering in the air. “Love of my life,” she said, “do you smell that? It is quite vexing; I wish to eliminate it, yet I cannot pinpoint the source.”

At this, the pink-skinned, red-haired woman grew indignant, stomping her foot. “That, wife, is my natural musk, and if you cannot stand  _ it, _ you cannot stand  _ me.” _ She strode over to the curtain bar above the unopened game console and donned the pelt hung there. As she put it on, before Huntress Wizard’s very eyes her body changed to fit; and so, without looking back, the haughty red fox walked out of her cabin, and her life, for good.


End file.
